Heart of Becoming

We have been ending since the beginning,
Beginning for fear of ending,
And now, we return once more to finish what we started...

I am a child of goodbye
Always just arriving at the point of my departure,
Destined to leave before reaching my destination.
There is a comfort in rooting and uprooting that is unsettling.
I know how to lift off and touch down--to move through air,
To be in contact without connecting and to connect in a heartbeat
Without anchoring my future in futile desire.

Yet, deep beneath the surface, there is a terror of losing the possibility of this moment--
And the moment that transcends time is lost in my vain attempt to hold on--
To contain that which cannot possibly be contained in the smallness of my being.

I have said a hundred goodbyes without knowing,
Bound by fear to relinquish true presence.
We come, we go, and we are left bereft,
Yearning for hellos that rarely heed our desires,
But deep beneath the waves of coming and going,
Rests a vast stillness
Where surrender grants freedom to those who dare to die.

At the heart of becoming is a fear of absence that dissolves upon arrival.
We cannot hold the love that holds us.
In love, we are eternal.

Karen Sella